I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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