didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Randomize
