if you like me you must not know who I am
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
