Tell her she can't have a vagina
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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