She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
