There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize