Kareoke will never be a sober sport
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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