"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
