Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize