dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
