I want to make a zoo with you.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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