used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
