SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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