Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize