i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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