I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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