exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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