He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize