Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
