I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
