i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
