He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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