I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
