Im at strip club and am horny
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
and you fell through a lawn chair
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
