There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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