oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
