a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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