Can Purell be used as lube?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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