it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
