I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
