Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
