i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize