I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you traded sex for a burrito?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
