i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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