If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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