I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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