Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize