I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize