Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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