no, he came in my armpit
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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