It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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