at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Let's paint friendship bongs
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize