hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
