Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
