closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
The Olympian is in my bed
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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