I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
