I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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