Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
