It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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