Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
