Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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