If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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