just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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