You made me cry and you don't even care
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
