I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
