Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize