I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
