In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
