So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
