stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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