I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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