I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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