do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
