everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
