I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
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