Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
this is an emotional support booty call
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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