How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
