I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
