She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
