Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
