Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
50% drunk capacity currently
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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