Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
