I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
PANTIES FOUND
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