Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
