The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
