I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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