i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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