You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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