if you like me you must not know who I am
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize