do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
