his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
