her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Actions speak louder than pants.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
