my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
