Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
