great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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