wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
