The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
