i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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