nut hugger
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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