if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
