He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Even my vagina gasped.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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