Why is your signature on my underwear?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
