i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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