Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
